Should "Skeletons" Get a Closet

[dapper_dan]

This post is a parody/response to this article that is getting a lot of notice around these internets.

Should "Skeletons" Get a Closet? (Even on TV?)

October 28, 2010 2:00 PM by Dan Foley

The other day, my conscious asked me, "Do you really think people feel uncomfortable when they see anorexic people making out on television?"

Because I hadn’t eaten yet that week, I felt a little disoriented.  I’ve had this hallucination before, but rarely have I found myself actually talking to it out loud.— I'm not much of a TV person — I find it difficult to remain conscious for an entire 30 minute sitcom, but I’m told that these starved unnatural freaks are practically everywhere.  In what felt like some hunger induced fever dream I stumbled across this US Weekly article, about the CW drama Beverly Hills 90210. As Us Weekly explains, "I know in discussions at ABC and CBS that ‘too skinny’ is no good. They talk about it as a minus point. But at The CW it’s a different story. They’re trying to pull in the Gossip Girl audience and that’s the image: hyper-skinny models.”

My initial response was: Hmm, being skinny is one thing — those people are downright skeletal! And while I think our country's obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it's at least equally crazy, to imply that being rail thin is perfect! Yes, being obesity is sick, but at least some overweight people are simply naturally heavy.  No one who is as thin as Shenae and Jessica can be healthy. And anorexia is costing our country far more in terms of all the related health problems we are paying for, by way of our insurance.  After all, why would I want to appeal to your sensibilities as a moral human being who could be concerned with another person’s health and survival when I can sensationalize my point with hollow rhetoric about wasting money in this difficult economic climate.

So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with xylophone-like rib cages clanging together while they made out... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a flesh covered corpse simply shamble across a room.  I would find myself wondering why the person didn’t move like some creepy marionette or why I was unable to see the strings — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very blonde person wandering across a library or a person with glasses standing on a football field.

Now, don't go getting the wrong impression: I have a few friends who could be called bony. I'm not some size-ist jerk. And I also know how tough it can be for people with eating disorders to psych themselves up for the long process of taking in a balanced meal. (For instance, the heroin addicted prostitute and part time model I see on the subway has talked to me a little bit about how it seems worthless for her to even try eating real food, because she’d just end up puking before her body was able to absorb any nutrients from it.)

But ... I think anorexia is something that most people have a ton of control over. It's something they can change, if only they put their minds to it.

(I'm happy to give you some nutrition and fitness suggestions if you need them — but long story short, ice cubes are not a meal, six ounces of water is not the same thing as a nine ounce porterhouse with a side of mixed vegetables, five walnuts is not a well balanced breakfast, get some kind of exercise for 30 minutes at least five times a week, and do everything you can to stand up more — even while using your computer — and walk more.  Becoming so physically drained that you pass out should not be a common occurrence. I admit that there's plenty that makes getting over 100 pounds tough, but YOU CAN DO IT! Trust me. It will take some time, but you'll also feel so good, physically and emotionally. A nutritionist or personal trainer will help — and if you can't afford one, visit your local YMCA for some advice.)

Then again, I guess these actresses and models likely have drug addictions that will kill them way before starving to death wil.  So ... why not make a race out of it? Take bets or something?

Then again, I tend to think most television shows are devoid of any nutritional value for the mind and body. The boob tube gives us an excuse to turn off both our brains and our bodies and probably does a helluva lot to take our minds off those incessant rumbling and gurgling noises coming from our stomachs, over all. So ... I don't know.

What do you guys think? Skeletons making out on TV — are you cool with it? Do you think I'm being an insensitive jerk?